


Sticker Stars

by ceilingfan5



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Holding Hands, Kissing, M/M, Practice Kissing, Sharing a Bed, celebrity chef taako, musician kravitz, schemes and plots and shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-26 19:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30110904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceilingfan5/pseuds/ceilingfan5
Summary: Famous musician Kravitz hasn't put out an album for a hot minute, so his agent decides to push him into a big publicity gambit he's not entirely sure about: pretending to be engaged to beloved but infamous celebrity chef Taako. Taako couldn't be more excited. It'll be a lot of fun to pretend to be in love, and surely nothing could possibly happen between the proposal and the wedding that might challenge them.You know, like falling in love for real.
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 102
Kudos: 117





	1. Refusing the Call

**Author's Note:**

> Here it comes!! This fic sort of exploded into the beast that now approaches you, and I really hope you love it. I'm going to post chapter two the second day and the rest of the updates will be every other day. This fic is finished! It was a labor of love or maybe demonic possession, so please let me know if you enjoy it! It means a lot. Thank you!

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“Kravitz, darling.” Lydia sighs heavily, injecting enough drama into the already tense moment to make it pop like a balloon full of mayonnaise. “We talked about this. You need to have some kind of publicity. As your agent, I was just thinking-”

“Insane thoughts?” Kravitz throws his hands up in the air. It’s already been a tense day, and now this? He can’t handle it. “Are you going to suggest I start licking frogs next, or playing thrash metal nursery rhyme covers?” 

He’s pacing. His apartment is nice, but it’s not very big, so he’s essentially taking laps around his couch. He needs to replace it, but he’s used to it, and it’s still sort of comfortable, so he feels bad about it. Does he have the money to replace it? Sixty thousand times over. Actually, his math might be wrong on that one, but the point stands. It’s not about the fucking couch. 

“You want to start the hot new frog-licking challenge and I’ll make it happen, sweetheart. I mean, it would be easier if you were on social media-”

“Definitely not!” 

“But if your new thing was motherfucker goose, you know we’d be right behind you.” 

Kravitz drags his hands down his face, trying not to laugh at that mental image. He doesn’t want to break. If he breaks, she’ll get him into it, and then he’ll be stuck. And it’s for publicity, so it’ll be all pictures and interviews and being seen and perceived by others and having to talk words to important people and not look like an idiot. Especially…

“Lyd, I- if it were something else, maybe-” He sits heavily on the couch and tips his head back to look at the fancy ceiling fan he never turns on. It needs to be dusted. Should he do that? Is he supposed to hire someone to do it? Being famous is so much fucking work. He keeps thinking he’ll get better at it, but somehow he’s even worse than he was a year ago, when things started getting wild. “But there’s no way I can pretend to date somebody for attention. I just couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair.” 

“Oh, you aren’t just going to pretend to date him. You’re going to be engaged. That’ll really heighten the drama.” Lydia pops her gum and texts someone, her long nails clacking rapidly against her phone. “We’ll set the wedding date about a month out, enough time to get people excited, and then we’ll broadcast the wedding, and in another month or so you can get divorced, easy peasy.”

“Not so peasy!!” Kravitz flops over and moans into his couch pillows. “This is absolutely insane. I- how can I be with someone I don’t even know?”

“It’s pretend, sweetheart. Besides, your loverboy will be in on it.”

“Why is this so important, anyway?” He’s definitely not pouting like a child with a dinner plate full of brussel sprouts. Totally not.

“You’re the one that said you weren’t going to produce an album for a while. We need to keep your name in people’s mouths.”

“Can’t I just...just fake going to the hospital?”

“You want me to set that up? I can arrange just about anything. I was just thinking you’d have a bit more fun with the fake engagement. You know, like a game. Besides, we could really use some chances to play your love songs when you go on TV.” She nudges him with the incredibly pointy toe of her incredibly expensive shoes. He groans and does not sit up.

“You aren’t going to let this go, are you.”

“Patently nah.”

“Fuck. This is stupid.”

“That’s what makes it so exciting, Kravvy. Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t have fun making a scene. And you haven’t even asked who I’ve gotten for you yet. I’m honestly insulted.” And now she pouts, trying to egg him into reacting. 

Kravitz does not move. He does not want to show interest in this at all. Maybe if he plays dead she will get bored and leave his home, and he can go back to playing guitar in shitty bars and busking to make rent. That was easier. 

But also now his curiosity is getting the better of him, which is very dangerous indeed. And he does sort of like a bit of drama.

“Would I... know him?”

“Ever heard of Taako? From TV?” There’s a lioness smirk in her voice and his heart feels like the stupid antelope she’s going to eat for dinner. 

“Who?” He’s still muffled by the pillow. It’s starting to get silly. And sweaty. 

“He’s a celebrity chef, and not a bad looking one either, really. He ran into a little trouble recently and his reputation could use a helpful boost, one that you could bring to the table. Meanwhile, all your fans go apeshit about you getting married and your album sales rocket. People want you to come on their shows and interview for magazines. It’s easy money. And, like I said, you can just get divorced when it’s not exciting anymore. Simple.”

Okay, this is getting stupid. Kravitz sits up. He can feel corduroy lines on his face, and he pushes his hair back again. Lydia pounces and shows him a picture of the Taako in question on her phone, a paparazzi candid by the looks of it. 

Kravitz swallows. He’s fucking beautiful. An elf with long, soft looking hair and piercing eyes, starry freckles, a dangerous smile. Disheveled, but in a way that makes him look like thrift store royalty, rather than more of the same boring designer shit that’s so popular right now. He’s flipping off the camera, and how Kravitz is going to squeeze another ring on those fingers may be a mystery for the ages.

“Damn it, Lydia.”

“Should I let his agent know you’re down?” She grins, all sharp teeth and bright purple lipstick. Kravitz’s stupid antelope heart sinks. He hopes it goes to stupid antelope heaven, but at this rate, he isn’t so sure. 

“I guess...it probably won’t be so bad. Maybe...maybe it would be sort of fun.”

“That’s the spirit!!” Lydia cackles. “Oh, this is going to be _perfect._ I’m going to make a few phone calls, sweetheart, and I’ll let you know when I need you. But be ready for an early morning tomorrow, okay?” She winks like she’s casting some sort of dangerous spell and Kravitz watches her clip out of his apartment on those dagger heels. How she moves like that in a skirt that tight is beyond him, but it’s not any of his business. No, apparently his business is about to be fiancé fraud, and antelope god help his stupid, stupid heart. He’s about to be in a whole heaping month of trouble.


	2. Taako Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for...Taako's perspective on these shenanigans!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the exciting reception to the first chapter!! The next chapter will be published in two days. Enjoy!! Thank you so much for all of the comments, they mean so much to me!

Taako’s been having a rough time of it. He’s been a little dinky boat on the choppy waters of some absolute bullshit, and that’s not even accounting for the kraken. But things are about to get a lot better. He’s sure of it. There’s no way they won’t. When you’re at sea level, as long as you can get to shore, there’s nowhere to go but up, right? 

“Give me some good news, Creesh,” he says, propping his thigh high laced boots on her desk. Lucretia gives him the stink eye, and then slams her own tasteful patent leather shoe on there and sweeps his boots off with it, along with a whole intray of paperwork. He can’t hold back a laugh, especially with her unyielding eye contact. 

“You’re in luck,” she says, like that didn’t happen at all and if Taako were to tell anyone why her paperwork was fluttering to the ugly carpet, she would flat out deny it. “I actually have a proposal for you.” 

Taako’s eyes widen a mile and he sits forward in his chair, making it squeak loudly. 

“You do?? Is it- Is it what I think it is??” 

She nods. “Lydia got back to me. He’s in.” She pauses for Taako to scream, and continues when he runs out of breath. “Starting tomorrow, you’re engaged. This should lose some focus from the incident, Taako, but I have to warn you-” she pauses again while he tips back in his chair and continues screaming, and then keeps going. “They probably will bring it up. You have to be ready for that, alright?” 

“I-” Taako can hardly breathe. “Fuck YES! I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this?? I’m going to fucking marry _Kravitz???_ Have you _heard_ his music?”

“I have heard his music,” Lucretia says, with all the gravity of a bowling ball on a string. “It is poppin’. One could even say it has been known to fuck.” 

“You’re goddamn right it fucks!” Taako howls. His chair tips too far and he grabs onto the desk, which contrary to Taako’s belief fifteen seconds ago, is not anchored to the floor. The desk lurches and more papers fly in the opposite of up, neither of which, admittedly, papers ought to travel in. Papers as a species prefer to be horizontally aligned. Lucretia doesn’t bat an eyelash. 

Taako doesn't have time for that. He springs out of his chair and moves around, trying to squeeze some of the excitement out of his body like cat toothpaste. He can't believe this is actually happening. It sounded insane when he first heard it was a possibility, but now that it's actually happening…

"Fuck, what am I going to wear? How is it going to go down? Shit, do I need to touch up my roots?"

"You're fine. Just remember our goal here." 

"Me kissing Kravitz, got it." 

"Drawing attention away from the incident, Taako. We need you back on air. We start shooting again in about a month, and I want people to be excited, not hate-watching." 

"Mhm," Taako says, waving his hand. He pulls out his phone to check his hair. "It'll be fine. Like it never happened. Which, in my books, it fuckin didn't. Besides, hatewatchers still give me views. Checkmate. Wait, are you seriously not giving me any time for a honeymoon?" 

"If you really want to go on a honeymoon with this absolute stranger, be my guest. I'll pencil it in. But, and Taako, I know we're friends, but I work for the Fantasy Food Network, not just you. I have to keep certain things in mind." 

"Uh huh." Taako slips his phone into one of his thirty pockets and flips his braid over his shoulder. "Whatever. When do I meet my fiance?" 

Lucretia sighs, giving him that _are you actually taking this in?_ look he sees far too often. It's fine. He's not stupid, he just plays one on TV. 

"Tomorrow morning you two are going to meet up and decide what you want to do. We need your plan by ten o clock, don't make that face at me, I swear to God, I will press it like a flower and keep it to scare birds away from my garden. Ten am. We'll arrange whatever you need by noon and you should be news by one. I'll be scheduling interviews-" 

"Right, yeah, sounds like you got it all planned out. Just text me. I think I have some shopping to do, so, uh, adios!" 

"Taako-" 

"Text me!" 

He scurries out of her dinky office and lets the door slam behind him before he dissolves into excited giggles. Not only is this going to be a bonkers way to spend his time off air, _and_ going to get a positive spin on his name, he gets to meet Kravitz. Fuck, he's got Kravitz posters. Would it be absolutely wild to ask him to sign them? 

No, no, no, he needs to figure out how he's going to go about this. He needs to be ready. He needs to be suave. He needs to play a man so in love he's got no choice but to get hitched, and what a game it'll be. There's no way they won't kiss, and that thought excites him so much that he bounces on his toes down the hallway. So maybe he's been kinda dry in the romance department lately, sue him. He's had a lot going on. If he gets to start again with Kravitz of all people, known gorgeous siren fucking Kravitz, well, he won't say no to that. Even if it’s pretend.

Fuck, this calls for an iced coffee. He needs to celebrate. He needs to tweet. He needs to pull a getting-proposed-to outfit together, and what about his hair? So much to do, and all before ten am tomorrow?? 

His phone vibrates, and he scrolls through a long itinerary from Lucretia without reading a word of it. Then there's an address, which a quick search shows to be a cutesy cafe. Public. He can't believe they're doing this in public. Well, he can, because it'll be good for them to be seen together before the main event, especially considering they haven't once been spotted holding hands in the company of prying eyes, but that's fine. Kravitz is a known recluse, shy and mysterious, and Taako’s been going through some shit and avoiding being seen lately, too. People will buy it, and any incredulity will just feed the fire. It's fine. It's all gonna be great. 

What's the worst that could happen?


	3. Rules of Engagement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako and Kravitz meet and lay down the ground rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for commenting!!! It really makes all this hard work feel worthwhile!

He’s late. Kravitz is never late. It’s especially embarrassing considering just how early he woke up to be anxious about this particular encounter and everything it’ll bring about, but he spent a lot of time on his Normal Guy disguise and then forgot about how traffic was a thing, and even though Sloane didn’t need any encouragement to take every inch she could at twice the speed limit, Kravitz still gets there late. It’s a bad look, and he briefly considers melting into a puddle and becoming a sewer denizen instead, but he figures if he did that, both Lydia _and_ Taako would be mad at him, and he can’t have that. He doesn’t even know Taako, but he doesn’t want him to be upset with him. He simply couldn’t handle it. 

He tries not to burst into the cafe, because that would draw attention. Even so he urgently wants to demonstrate that he got here as quickly as he could given the circumstances. He tries to look casual but humble and probably just looks anxious and suspicious, and he looks around desperately behind his shades and ball cap and zeroes in on Taako. 

Taako, who is even more beautiful than he was in the photograph. He’s not exactly subtle, but he’s not trying to stand out, either. He simply looks like he chose to appear there, fully formed, in his chunky cardigan and tight, tight pants, touchable pink hair in a loose braid over his shoulder. How all of his jewelry doesn’t get tangled in his hair, Kravitz doesn’t know, but he really rather wants to find out. He’s wearing a cropped t-shirt that says _FORKLIFT CERTIFIED FOXY GRANDPA._ Kravitz would pay a million dollars right now to understand him. He isn’t using the money for anything else. 

Well, obviously he sponsors a lot of charity work, he isn’t just letting the money fucking sit there, but even so, it just keeps coming. It makes him so anxious all the time. 

He slips into the booth across from Taako like a much more confident man and smiles, and Taako looks up at him and something flickers in the reflections in his eyes and he just sort of offers a lazy smile in reply. There’s a small gap between his front teeth, and his constellations of freckles are even more incredible up close. His long ears twitch up in excitement, and that makes Kravitz feel somewhat better. 

“Thought you’d never show up.” 

That makes him feel a lot worse. Should he apologize? Should he justify himself? Should he try to fix it?? 

“I’m...so sorry,” he says, and he leaves it at that. Nothing else will come out of his mouth. He wishes he had a warm drink to hold onto, but he probably should have purchased one before sitting down, and now he’ll have to leave Taako and go up to the counter if he wants to do that, which would be an even worse look, and fuck, Taako’s just sort of waiting for him to say more, and he doesn’t know what to say? “You’re Taako, right?”

“Mhm,” Taako replies easily, lips quirking. His smile is just slightly asymmetrical, and it makes Kravitz’s heart do a funny dolphin flip. “And, uh…” There’s that flicker again. What’s he thinking? “You’re, uh, Kravitz, right? It was Kravitz?”

“Yeah. I’m, uh,” _I’m kind of, sort of famous. You might have heard of me._ But he doesn’t want to be a douchebag. And honestly? It’s sort of exciting if Taako doesn’t know of him, has no concept of his reputation, has never listened to his music. It’s been so long since someone has been a blank slate for him to start completely fresh on, and his heart pounds a little faster at the idea that Taako might not know him from Doug Math, and has no notions of him whatsoever. “I’m a musician.”

Except, now, of course, for the fact that he was late to their ‘date’. And that he was too stupid to buy a coffee before sitting down. 

Great start, great start. 

“Ready to fall madly in love with me?” Taako teases, and Kravitz has to laugh himself out of his head. 

“I don’t think I’m ever really ready for anything, Taako,” Kravitz admits, “But I’m going to do my best to do right by you, until our inevitable messy divorce.” 

That catches Taako by surprise, and he laughs so hard he snorts and has to cover his mouth with his hand. His nails are dark purple and look like he did them at home, and he’s not wearing all of the rings he had in the picture. Maybe so Kravitz can put one on there and make a big deal of it. Kravitz appreciates the concession almost as much as he appreciates the wild energy Taako’s got in his laugh, uncontrollable and strange and loud and full of joy. Imagine, being full of joy. Maybe if Kravitz gets close enough to the guy, some of it will rub off on him. 

He can only hope. 

“There’s no stranger I’d rather get married to, Krav,” Taako manages, and he holds back another wild giggle. The nickname takes Kravitz by surprise, and he finds his cheeks warm at the familiarity. Krav. He could be _Krav_ , for someone. Why not this person, with his glittering eyes and incredible laugh? Why not him? What’s Kravitz so busy doing anyway that he doesn’t have someone to call him _Krav?_

“Speaking of,” he says, half dazed and half responsible. “How do we want to go about...that?”

“Oh, baby,” Taako sighs. “This is gonna be a long one, boy howdy. You may want to catch a drink.” 

“I can do that.”

“Why don’t you?” Taako grins at him. That gap in his teeth is so fucking charming, and in the same breath, Kravitz is kind of annoyed at the challenge. He’s filled with _I’ll show him_ energy and is absolutely possessed. 

“I will!” 

Kravitz stands up before he’s even realized it, and he marches over to the counter, feeling strange. He orders one of the specials, some sweet coffee drink with a stupid name, even though he usually avoids caffeine. It makes him jumpy. Well, he’s already jumpy, and things are only going to get weirder from here. 

It takes him a hot minute to get through the line, which is almost nostalgic. This whole situation has him feeling so simultaneously normal and insane, standing here in his shades and stupid hat. Getting to know a guy he’s going to marry in a month so that people will write listicles about him on websites he doesn’t visit so that he can get more money he doesn’t need. At least he can sponsor some more good initiatives, but the fact that he’s doing this is so patently crazy he feels like he’s ascended to another dimension and left his body behind.

Fuck, what’s his mother going to think?? How is he going to tell her? 

Uh oh. 

Kravitz returns to their booth, frowning a bit, and he takes off his sunglasses and carefully folds them and sets them down. No one rushes their booth, no one shouts his name from across the cafe. Maybe he didn’t need them in the first place. He’s got so much anxiety about this whole situation. It stands to reason that some of it would be misplaced. 

“So, marriage,” Kravitz says, like some kind of demon in a skin suit, and Taako snorts. 

“Mawwiage,” he says, “Mawwiage is what bwings us togever today.” 

“That bwessed awangement. That dweam within a dweam.”

Both of them dissolve into giggles. Taako almost spills his huge iced coffee.

“Can’t believe you,” Taako wheezes. “Both of us are terrible. No more. No more.”

“So tweasure your wuv...”

“I’m putting a ban on Princess Bride shit for the rest of this union!” 

“Understandable,” Kravitz manages, before becoming a mess of laughter again. It feels so good to relax, especially with Taako. He was so sure this was going to be awkward. 

“But, um, to answer your question,” Taako takes a long slurp of his iced coffee, and then rattles the ice in it to settle it down. “I think we go big, cause going home isn’t an option.” 

“I did try that and Lydia wouldn’t let me.” Kravitz nods. “But yeah, uh, yeah. Big. What exactly, uh, constitutes big?”

“Well, we don’t exactly have time to choreograph a whole dancing flash mob, and those are kinda outdated now anyway,”

“Aw,” Kravitz says, feeling so relieved he could float away and get stuck on the ceiling. They’ll have get him down like a balloon with a knife taped to a long stick. 

“I know,” Taako sighs, seemingly earnestly. “Gauche. But we want it to be dramatic and maybe expensive, something that’ll catch people’s attention and make for good pictures. Something that’ll circulate.”

“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.” 

“Unfortch. Media literacy is quel importante.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“And you, uh, you don’t strike me as a sports guy.”

“What gave it away?”

“Only your everything, asshole.” Taako snorts. “Which, good, me either. I mean, don’t mind _lookin’_ at some sportsball players, but I want nothing to do with it all.” 

“Don’t say that too loudly, maybe I’ll play a Superbowl someday.” Kravitz can’t help smiling.

“In your dreams! But that butts out a lot of public proposals.”

“I don’t even like public proposals,” Kravitz admits. “They make me itchy. What if one of them isn’t ready? What if they don’t want everybody looking at them?” 

“Does that bother you?” There’s something in the level look in Taako’s eyes that makes Kravitz feel funny, but that’s probably just the caffeine. 

“Maybe! I don’t know!” Kravitz bites his lip. “I mean, I can do crowds on stage because it’s dark, the audience, I mean, and I can just focus on the music, but I mean, afterwards, I just have to disappear. You know? I don’t know if you know. Does your show film in front of an audience?”

Taako gives him a weird look that Kravitz can’t quite decipher. 

“Sometimes,” he says. “Not anymore.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah, love the attention. It’s what I deserve, you know?”

“I wish I felt that way, but honestly? I’m the opposite. I- I don’t deserve fame, or riches, or weird TV interviews about my totally real fiance. I’m just me. I just want to play music.”

Taako nods thoughtfully. 

“Sounds like this is a lot for you.”

“Yeah...” It’s weird to admit it. He doesn’t want Taako to think he doesn’t like him (for...some reason?) and he doesn’t want to seem like he isn’t going to do this. He’s committed now. He can do this. It’s going to be fine. It’ll be like a game, and has nothing to do with his heart whatsoever. But also that same stupid heart is pounding now, definitely the caffeine and nothing else, and he can’t stop thinking about people crowding around them in public and making a fuss and just wanting to run away and never be found. Even if he really did love Taako, he would do this in private. And it’s not like that ought to shock people. He’s notoriously reclusive. Why the fuck did Lydia sign him up for this? What part of him screams fake public proposal for hashtag attention on the tweeter? 

His chest is tight, and he looks at Taako with what he hopes isn’t pure, undiluted panic in his eyes. “Yeah, it’s, it’s sort of a lot, isn’t it?”

Taako sucks on his teeth for a second, mulling over mysterious thoughts, and then he reaches across the table and squeezes Kravitz’s hands. 

“Let’s take a walk.”

Taako leads the way and they slip out the back patio, through a grove of trees and behind several small businesses. They follow the sidewalk to a cute park, and they walk together quietly in the shade of leaves from above, dappling their skin fondly with shadow. For some unclear reason, Taako hasn’t let go of his hand, and for some other unclear reason, Kravitz hasn’t let go either. Maybe because it’s almost, kind of, sort of helping a little. Even though that would be absolutely insane. 

Taako doesn’t speak up until they’re far away from the cafe, until after he’s finished his iced coffee and deposited it unceremoniously in a park trash can with a satisfying, ringing thud. Kravitz, who only ever drank half of his, hands his cup over too, and Taako dumps it as well, not commenting on it whatsoever. It’s so strangely familiar.

“Listen,” Taako says, warmth an undercurrent to his strange, silky voice. The same warmth Kravitz feels in their linked hands. “Listen. This is, uh, it’s going to be a lot. It’s going to be a lot, like, by design, like that’s the point, and it’s going to be a lot for a long time.”

“Cool,” Kravitz says, feeling a million miles away from his body. “Cool and great.” 

“But uh,” Taako says. “I’m good at this. At people. At attention. And if you aren’t, that’s fine. I’ll take it for both of us. Okay?”

Kravitz looks at him, not quite understanding, and finds a surprisingly soft look on Taako’s face. 

“I’ll be here for you, Kravitz, alright?”

“...Alright.” 

“I mean,” Taako says, tucking stray pink hairs behind his ear. Casual as can be. ”It’s the least I can do, if you’re going to do all this for me.”

“It’s a mutually beneficial deal, isn’t it? Wasn’t that the point?”

“I mean yeah,” Taako says, swinging their hands gently. “But also like. It’s a partnership, yeah?”

“I guess you could think of it that way.” 

“We’re partners. In being fake partners. It’s sort of recursive, but you get it, right? We gotta be here for each other, or the deal’s gonna be useless.”

Kravitz nods, feeling that strange warmth spread to his chest. He almost rather likes it. This could be dangerous, and here he is, going ahead with it anyway. He likes Taako. He likes his candidness, his style, his humor. His laugh, his hair, his perspective. 

“Partners,” he repeats. “I can do that. I suppose. I’ve not really had a partner before.” He stumbles a bit, and has to defend himself. “I mean- I mean I’ve dated, of course, I just-”

Taako laughs. 

“Yeah, ‘course.” 

“It’s just- I haven’t had someone...do...anything like this with me. Ever. I’m...you know, I’m a solo act. I just go out there and do my thing and go home, you know?”

“Well, here’s to being a partnership. For real and imaginary.” 

“In sickness and in health?”

They laugh, and Taako squeezes his hand, and that squeeze echoes in his chest. This is bad. This is definitely bad. But it’s making him feel better. 

“I’ll be your partner, Taako.” 

“Then I’ll be yours, Kravitz.”

And they smile at each other, and laugh, and have to look away, and they smile at each other again. They leave the shade of the trees just then and step out into the sunlight, and it warms Kravitz’s bones in a way that he hasn’t felt in a long, long time. 

“So,” Taako says. “How do you want to do this?”


	4. Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz proposes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your sweet comments!!!!!!! They really, honestly keep me going and I love seeing your thoughts as things develop!! We're getting rolling now!

So Taako lied a tiny bit. It’s fine. It’s cool and great and fine. It was just an omission, anyway, nothing huge, nothing major. He just pretended not to know Kravitz, that’s all, not like it was something that’ll come back to bite him in the ass or anything. 

It’s fine! And besides, he got to _meet Kravitz_ , so he’s doing great, actually. Who could blame him for getting...confused in the moment! Not him! And no matter what happened, they’re going to keep moving forward and they’re going to propose and get married and it’s going to be sick as hell and nothing’s going to stop it and it’s not going to be weird at all, except in the way it’s going to be so weird, every single moment, the whole entire time. Because now, since Taako decided to go with ignorance, he’s going to have to pretend he’s never heard one of Kravitz’s songs and does not, in fact, know all the words to most of them, and has never, actually, purchased a poster of Kravitz’s actual face with his real life money and hung it on his real life wall. 

It’s fine, it’s totally, one hundred percent fine. He continues to tell Kravitz this. Maybe he’ll start to believe it if he repeats it enough. 

They have a plan and they shared it with their agents and everything is ready and waiting for them, including the ring. It’ll probably be generic, not something either of them would pick, but as long as it fits, who cares? Honestly, even if it doesn’t fit, they can pretend! They’re performers! It’s fine! Everything is fine and great and going swimmingly and Taako is not having feelings for Kravitz and his beautiful dark brown eyes and the soft way his shoulders relaxed when Taako promised to take care of him. No feelings at all! He’s just excited to meet a really great musical artist and fellow famous gay guy. It’s normal and not weird at all. They’re going to have a great time!

Except for how it’s not fine. Because Taako’s guts are twisting into balloon animals, and he kind of needs them to do their fucking organ jobs. He shouldn’t have lied, and now that’s going to be weird, fuck him, can he not keep the truth in his mouth for a minute? Not to mention the way his heart starts going fucking crazy when Kravitz smiles at him. It’s probably just him being star struck. Probably. Unless it isn’t, in which case Taako is absolutely ruined. He cannot give his heart away again. He’s sworn real love off completely. 

Fake love, now, that he might fuck with. 

He’s cooking in a plastic kitchen with real gas and it hasn’t even been a few hours. But it’s fine! It’s going to be fine. He simply cannot, will not handle not being fine. So it’s going to be completely alright. No worries at all. 

If he digs his nails into his palms so hard they hurt, that’s his fucking business. At least he still has nails. He hasn’t gotten that far, yet. 

They take a cab to Kravitz’s agent’s office, where there are outfits and props ready for them, and Kravitz slips away to get dressed. There are a few different options laid out for Taako, and they’re not bad, but he ends up wildly mixing and matching anyway. They got his color scheme down, at least, and that’s a good place to start. He ends up in a huge wide-brimmed sun hat, big round sunglasses, and layers and layers of black and gold and purple that wouldn’t make any sense to someone who earnestly tried to figure them out. Will it be difficult to take off? Yes. But who cares. Fashion. His favorite, though, are a pair of long, heeled black boots with elegant golden fastenings. They really make the outfit an outfit.

“I’m keeping these,” he announces to no one. “No take-backsies.”

He steps out of the office-turned-dressing area and hunts around for someone to bother, or Kravitz, maybe both, and they literally run into each other in the hallway. Kravitz catches Taako as he wobbles in his heels, and Taako looks up at him, startled. He was ready to defend himself, but now he’s touching Kravitz, the actual Kravitz, who apparently works out, and is touching the small of his back to steady him, and Taako has to remember that breathing is kind of important if they want their whole scheme to work out, and he steps back, heart pounding. Kravitz’s hand slips away from him limply like he’s fucked up, and Taako wants to tell him no, no, no, do that again, please, but he doesn’t know what to say to not seem desperate. 

Even though he feels desperate. It’s been a long time since he was that close with anyone, let alone someone as beautiful as Kravitz. Can anyone blame him for wanting to be touched once in a while? It’s not his fault he has no one to hold him at night. Probably. Except in the ways that it is. 

“Ready, uh, ready to go?” Taako looks him over now, almost less starstruck, and then he’s walloped again by just how gorgeous Kravitz is. He always performs in suits, but seeing him in one up close is another experience entirely. Everything about him looks crisp and perfect, from his carefully tied back hair to his shiny, shiny shoes, and Taako literally has to shake the gay out of his head to focus up. That reminds him. He unties his braid and combs it out with his fingers, laying it in waves down his back. That’s much more appropriate. 

“Uh,” Kravitz says, flexing his hand a little. Looking sort of lost. “Ready as I’ll ever be. I have the ring.”

Taako has to swallow hard. Right. The ring. The ring for the proposal. The engagement ring. The one Kravitz is going to put on his finger and ask to keep him with. That ring. 

“Cool cool.” 

“And I thought we could walk, since it’s close, and that, uh, that’ll give them a chance to spread the word that we’re out together, you know?” 

“Sounds perfect. But if we have to walk _back_ from the restaurant and my feet are killing me, you get to carry me, you know that, right?” 

It surprises Kravitz into laughing, and Taako grins cheekily, feeling pleased with himself. 

“If you need me to, I can try. I don’t know how far I’ll make it, but I’ll try.” 

“I’ll take it.” Taako nods. He slips his hand into Kravitz’s and leads him toward the door. “Shall we?”

“I suppose we must.” 

And they step out into the sunlight as a couple. 

It’s not a long walk, but Taako is done with it by the time they get there. Don’t get him wrong, he’s enjoying the hell out of holding Kravitz’s hand and walking with him. His voice is sweet, and he’s so polite as he explains to Taako what kind of music he plays and how he got started, like Taako doesn’t already know all of this. Somehow he’s still listening, especially since it seems to be calming Kravitz’s unsteady nerves, just like their entwined hands. 

Taako really, really likes holding Kravitz’s hand. Obviously it’s just to pick up some attention on the way and establish them as a couple, but Taako can fucking secretly enjoy it if he wants to, damn it! 

It’s a nice restaurant, one Taako picked out himself. It’s on his very short list of recommended locations in Neverwinter. Two Suns is almost entirely outdoors, most of the seating in a lovely garden area. Not only is it beautiful, they actually grow a lot of their own herbs, and things like cherry tomatoes. Nothing like fresh fuckin’ cherry tomatoes. Their reservation nets them the perfect table, well-lit enough for photos but not so sunlit they’ll be squinting, and their waiter brings them a basket of bread and olive oil to dip it in. 

Kravitz looks around, eyes wide and sparkling, and he takes in all of the plants without saying much for a long moment. There’s a gentle breeze that plays with Taako’s wrap, and Taako scans the area, looking for suspicious players. There are a few people who don’t seem to be eating, and he can definitely see a flash or two in the bushes. Perfect. 

“Have you been here before, darling?” Taako leans forward and clasps Kravitz’s hands in his, gazing lovingly into his big, perfect, deep brown eyes. His eyelashes are so long. Who gave him the right? Kravitz seems startled by the familiarity, until he remembers what’s going on, and he tentatively smiles. It’s fine. Anyone watching will chalk up his nervousness to the proposal. 

“Never, sweetheart,” he says, in a surprisingly strong voice. Fuck yeah, Taako knew this guy could act. “But I’m so happy to be here with you.”

“Awww.” 

Taako lets go of his hands so Kravitz doesn’t notice how clammy his have gotten, and he inspects the bread. Good crumb, herby, crisp, perfect. He breaks the tiny loaf in half and offers one chunk to Kravitz, who looks like he’s forgotten entirely that people eat at restaurants. 

“You simply have to try this.” Taako dips his own in the olive oil and garlic, and he takes a crunchy bite. This is the first time he’s eaten in public since… Well, he’s not going to think about it. He’s on a date. A fake date, but a date nonetheless. Kravitz follows his lead and his eyes widen in surprise at just how good the bread actually is. 

“Mmm… You really know your stuff.”

“That’s my job, babe. And I’m good at it.”

“You sure are.” 

There’s another long, tender gaze, only interrupted by their waiter and his stupid rainbow bowtie. 

“What can I get you gentlemen?” 

Nothing, fuck off. No. Taako has to pick something. Kravitz doesn’t know what’s good. 

“Hm...we’ll both have the fresh bruschetta sampler to start with, and then the classic cheese ravioli with, well, with whatever wine you suggest. And then we can decide on dessert later.” He fake laughs, and Kravitz fake laughs right along with him. Partner in crime. Taako’s getting unbearably fond of him already. 

“Right away, sir.” He walks away, and Taako’s eye catches another camera, much less hidden than the first few. The garden area is somewhat secluded, but there’s an access path that people can get to from the road, and several people have slipped that way without, seemingly, intending to eat. The paparazzi are here. 

More come as they eat, creating a bit of buzz in the air. The other patrons glance their way, and a few whisper behind their hands-- is that _the_ Kravitz? That couldn’t possibly be Taako from TV! They’re here together?? Kravitz plays heavily into their act, making a big deal of the delicious food Taako, his brilliant Taako, selected for them. They hold hands whenever they aren’t actively chompin ravs, and Kravitz only has eyes for him. It’s enough to sweep a guy away, even if he knows it’s one hundo percent totally, patently fake, fakety fake bullshit. 

A guy like Kravitz could never actually love him. He’ll have to take the act while it lasts. No, that’s a dark thought. Focus on being deliriously in love with his boyfriend he’s definitely had for more than a few hours. 

Their waiter comes back after a while and asks if they want any dessert, and Taako’s eyes flick to Kravitz’s, and Kravitz winks, and Kravitz projects his voice a bit. Heads instantly turn like they’d been waiting for this the whole time. 

“Actually, I think I’d prefer something even sweeter,” he says, in that serious voice of his, and Taako’s heart pounds suddenly like he’s taken up marathon running and olympic swimming in the last fifteen seconds. 

“What.” The waiter looks at him like he’s gone insane. He looks between them like he’s not entirely sure he’s not the one getting proposed to. 

Kravitz swallows, and he looks at Taako, and he gets down on one knee. 

“Should I...go?”

“I wish you would,” Taako says, flippant, and he watches Kravitz like a hawk. 

“Taako,” Kravitz starts heavily, as the waiter disappears as fast as humanly possible. 

“Yeesss?”

“I, uh,” Kravitz smiles helplessly, and Taako wants to rescue him so badly. “I had a whole speech, and I’ve forgotten all of it. I can’t think when I’m around you. I’ll just make it short.”

“Yeeeeeeeesssss??” Taako can’t help but giggle delightedly. This is never going to happen to him in real life. He’ll take what he can get, and he’ll fucking enjoy it, thank you very much!

“You’re my best friend,” Kravitz says, simply. Just like they practiced. “Will you marry me?” 

He opens the blue velvet ring box and the whole restaurant leans in. Flashes go off from every blinding direction. Taako’s absolutely fucking delighted. 

“Yes, yes, yes!!!!” 

Chaos. The whole place goes _nuts._ He can hear shutters clicking all around him, from the walkway, the kitchen, the bushes. He can barely see Kravitz, but he feels him slip that ring on his finger. It’s fake too, but it looks real, and it looks expensive, and Taako holds it up for the world to see. 

“Give him a smooch!” someone yells, and Kravitz, hesitating slightly, rises to his feet and moves close. Taako grabs him by the lapels and kisses him hard, their teeth clacking together. It’s fake, absolutely for the cameras. Acting. Like a stage kiss. Nothing more. 

So...why does it feel like the whole world is shifting around him? Why does it feel like he’s seeing colors he never knew existed, fireworks that shouldn’t be possible? Why does he kiss him deeper, and why does Kravitz kiss him back, after the initial surprise? Why do his eyes flutter closed, his heart stop and start and stop again? 

He’s just lonely. That has to be it. It’s been a hot minute since he was kissed, and he’s a little desperate to be held and touched at the moment because of that, and no other reason, definitely, for sure. 

They pull back and stare into each other’s eyes for a moment, startled and confused, mouths still half open. Taako lets go of Kravitz’s now-rumpled lapels, and he gives him a sheepish smile. His cheeks are absolutely fucking burning, and he has a sneaking suspicion Kravitz is embarrassed, too. 

“Wow,” Kravitz says. “We’re getting married.” 

“We’re getting married!” Taako shouts, and that’s the end of it. Paparazzis and tabloid reporters swarm the Two Suns. Taako sees panic rise in Kravitz’s eyes as more and more greasy assholes shout demands and questions and snap pictures and try to record video, and Taako slams a big bill on the table, grabs his fake fiancé’s hand, and he _runs._


	5. Ground Beef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys run away, decompress, and get some news. Some very interesting news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters, I hope you love it! Please comments your thoughts, feelings, or a blood sacrifice if you think I've earned it!

They weave between shops and duck into a maze of alleys, and as soon as the clusterfuck of jackasses comically run past without seeing them, they both sigh in relief. Kravitz can hardly breathe, and not just because he wasn’t expecting to run after eating all of that ravioli. He can’t believe he did that. He can’t believe he said those things. He can’t believe it’s been documented for the whole world to see and inevitably going to blow up and people are going to ask him questions about it and every day now is going to be like this, being swarmed and photographed and screamed at? Usually he hides from the press, and now he feels like he’s been paraded around naked in front of them. 

“Hey, breathe,” Taako says, squeezing his hand. Kravitz hopes he hasn’t been trying to crush Taako’s in his for this whole experience. “Put your head between your knees, or whatever. C’mon.” 

Kravitz nods and obeys, and Taako lets go of his hand only to gently rub his back. Kravitz doesn’t get what he’s done for Taako to deserve this, but he appreciates it more than he could possibly articulate. The dirty stone wall is cold behind him, and there’s a grocery store ad blowing around on the pavement. $3.29 a pound for ground beef. Is that a good deal? He doesn’t cook. Taako cooks. But does he buy his own ingredients? Would he know?

“Three twenty-nine,” he says, breathless, “Beef.”

Great job. Knocked that one out of the park. 

“Huh?” Taako says, charitably. 

“S- Is that-” In through the nose and out through the mouth. His head is starting to pound from this position. He straightens up and feels dizzy, and he bumps into Taako. Taako steadies him, bemused, a weird twisted expression on his face. 

“You good, dog?” 

“Stellar. Is that good? Good price for beef?” He tries keeping his tone casual. It is not, get this, working very well at all. 

“Uh, yeah?” Taako puts his hands on Kravitz’s shoulders, holding him onto the planet. Kravitz should write him a thank you card. He is very much feeling like floating away and never coming back, and he sort of has some shit to do in the coming weeks that would be made much more difficult by becoming a low-orbit satellite. “Yeah. Why, you want some? You gonna turn into a werewolf on me? We just had lunch.” 

“No, it’s-” Kravitz gestures at the ad, which is blowing away. He frowns. Taako’s going to think he’s nuts. He feels nuts. He can’t believe this is the day he’s having. “I can’t believe I proposed to you.”

“You did an incredible job, by the way. Great work saving your panic for private.” 

“Thanks,” Kravitz says, feeling like Taako’s tricked him into smiling. “It’s one of my top marketable skills.” 

“I hear you’re not so bad at the gee-tar either.” Taako smiles so softly at him that Kravitz wants to wrap himself in his arms and take a very long nap. 

“Rumors of my talent are grossly exaggerated. The camera adds fifteen skills, you know.” 

“Yeah,” Taako nods, fake seriously. “That’s why people tune into my show to learn how to balance their taxes and whittle bird Ferraris.”

“Bird Ferraris? Who will teach them to drive? Where will they park their cars?” Kravitz can’t help but laugh. Taako is so strange, and Kravitz is really enjoying spending time with him. It’s helping take the edge off the panic. Unfortunately panic is a box cutter and it’s knives all the way down.

“Obviously in their bird three-car garages.” 

“Three?” Kravitz laughs even harder, his voice pitching up a little. Embarrassing. “Threee?? What- What else do birds drive?” 

“A Pontiac Phoenix, obviously?” 

Kravitz dissolves into giggles. Taako covers his mouth, trying to stay in one piece and having a hard time of it. 

“One more, one more. What, this is very important, what is this bird’s third car.” 

“A beemer.”

“Wh-” Kravitz looks at Taako helplessly. He doesn’t know anything about cars at all. “Why a BMW?”

“Great gas mileage.” 

They look each other in the eyes and then they’re doubled over, laughing so hard they can barely breathe. It’s a much more pleasant experience than the first time Kravitz was gasping for breath in this alley. They lean on each other to steady themselves and wipe tears from their eyes, almost compose themselves, and then Taako goes, “ _Beep beep,_ ” like the Roadrunner, but in a car, and they nearly fall to the ground with snickers. It takes two full minutes for them to collect themselves, and even then they stay close, ducking their heads and smiling. It’s been a long time since Kravitz laughed like this with anyone.

He really rather likes it. 

“Thanks,” he mumbles, when Taako’s finally stopped making bird-car noises. “I needed that.” 

“I got you. I told you I got you and I’ve got you, alright?” Taako grins at him. “We’re partners.”

“Yeah,” Kravitz says, dazed, resolving to die for Taako someday to repay his debts. “Partners.”

They’re quiet for a moment while Taako peeks out of the alleyway to check if their cartoonish mob of fans and foes has dissipated, and Kravitz texts Sloane to come pick them up. They agree on a rendezvous point not too far away, and she promises to be there asapity. 

“We’re gonna need to head to that Traitor Joe’s parking lot.” Kravitz slips his phone back into his pocket and tries fruitlessly to straighten out his lapels. 

“Sounds like a plan. Although I think you owe me a ride, seeing as how no hoof’ed beastie was ever meant to travel in shoes as fine as these for more than a, you know, a vine or two.”

“Vine? Like in the jungle?”

“Oh my god,” Taako groans dramatically. “I knew you didn’t have a twitter, but you don’t even remember vine?? I figured a techno grandpa like you would at least recognize the classics!”

“Is...is vine classic?” Kravitz frowns helplessly. “Wait, you know I didn’t have twitter?”

“I searched for you, obviously.” Taako sticks his tongue out. “Wanted to see what kind of guy you were before I tied the knot.”

“Private,” Kravitz decides. “And reclusive. And technologically inept.” 

“So is it a choice, or a skillful failing?”

“Yes.” Kravitz grins. “I’d rather die than have to spend all my time figuring out what’s going on on twitter.”

“Same,” Taako says, opening twitter as they speak. “Hey! We’re trending!”

Kravitz’s guts are trending. Upwards. He’s going to yartz. 

“Oh?” he says, higher pitched than he intended. “And, Taako, if your feet hurt that bad, I can carry you. If. You know, if you want. We- I mean, we don’t have to be touching all the time, we’re in private, people don’t need to see us and- I mean, not that I wouldn’t want to touch you, just that- that I want to touch you an appropriate amount for when we can just be ourselves, I’m going to shut up, I’m going to shut up and die.” 

Taako laughs, biting his lip and giving him a look he doesn’t quite understand. Kravitz wishes for a local manhole cover to slide open and a sewer beast to take him to the sticky, sticky underworld for his crimes against the surface. 

“You’re so sweet, but I’m good. I don’t wanna make you carry me. ‘Sides, these ain’t ridin’ boots.” He clicks his heels and snickers. 

“They really do suit you. I have my differences with Lydia and her brother, but they do have a certain taste in fashion.” 

“Fuck yeah, I should meet these spicy clowns. Nah, though, you’re good. Let me cash in that ride another day, alright?” He winks. Kravitz feels his cheeks burn. Did he...did he mean…?

He couldn’t have possibly. Alternately, Kravitz wouldn’t put it past him. What is the truth?

Taako starts walking and Kravitz follows him like a dumb puppy, watching him scroll on his phone through what are definitely dozens and dozens of pictures of their proposal. Kravitz’s guts do a hot little shimmychanga he couldn’t possibly replicate in laboratory conditions. He’s getting so many mixed feelings from this whole situation he doesn’t quite remember the difference between right and up. 

“We did good,” Taako says, nodding to himself. “This is very good. People are going nuts.”

“Are they?” Kravitz chews the insides of his cheeks and counts by fours, trying to bore his ravioli into staying in their new neighborhood. 24, 28, what...what comes after 28? 

“Tooootally.” 32, 36, 40. 40 is a nice number. Very round and even. “Your fans are going absolutely feral. Bet you didn’t know you had so many future Mrs. Kravitzes, huh?”

“Oh, lord.” 

Taako laughs. It’s such a good laugh, even when it’s about him. Kravitz can’t help but feel some type of way about it. 

“What, uh,” Kravitz tries to straighten his lapels again, and failing that, again, he picks at a hangnail. “What about your fans?” 

“Ah, they’re a mixed crew. Lot of middle aged women, you know? Not exactly my type.” 

“What is your type?” Kravitz winces as it comes out of his mouth, feeling like he’s exposed himself as some kind of absolute desperate asshole, but Taako just grins and balances on the curb as they walk, holding his arms out to steady himself. He’s so graceful. Kravitz would never dream of walking down a sidewalk like this in heels, let alone going for gold in that particular endeavor. He’s gorgeous. And charming. 

“Would I be remiss and/or cliche if I said tall, dark, and handsome?” He laughs at his own joke. “I dunno, I’m not picky in the looks department, you know, for a nice evening out and then in, but I’m not always a longer term kinda guy, you know? Not a lot of bitches on this fuck planet can handle the Taako Experience.”

 _I want to handle the Taako experience_ , Kravitz thinks, and then panics, because he didn’t realize he was even thinking about Taako like that until just now, and that’s a slippery slope to go barefoot on. 

“What about you?” shakes Kravitz out of it, and his cheeks get warm as he tries to think of a non-pathetic answer. 

“I mean, I write romance songs. It’d be, I mean...It’d be kind of nice if I had someone to sing them about, you know?” 

“You absolute sap!” Taako turns to tease him and his ankle does something funny on the curb, and Kravitz has to catch him before he falls in this grocery store parking lot. Taako’s eyes are wide from the surprise, and they glitter in the sun, and Kravitz thinks very privately about getting lost in them forever. 

“I guess so,” he murmurs, brain running the numbers in the background on things that rhyme with _parking lot_. It’s been a while since he wrote a song. A long while. His fingers itch to play, but they’re busy with something more important at the moment, thanks. “You alright?”

“Fine!” Taako squeaks, and Kravitz figures he might have twisted that ankle and is lying about being in pain, so it’s a good thing the car pulls up right about then. Despite Taako’s protests, he opens the door and helps him in, and then he circles “the hearse” to get in on the other side. Sloane rolls down her window and gives him a long look over her sunglasses. Kravitz’s insides feel like champagne in a paint shaker. 

“I’m sorry?” he starts. 

“You are so getting chided,” she announces. “Get in.”

“Fuck, I was definitely concerned about that.” 

“Absolutely scolded. Rebuked, even.”

“I hope you didn’t look these up on the way.” 

“Oh, let me upgrade you to getting lambasted, free of charge.”

“I’m getting in, I’m getting in!” 

Sloane takes off the second his seatbelt clicks, leaving a car-shaped dust cloud behind them. 

“Bird Motor Wehicle,” Taako mumbles, and laughs to himself. Kravitz has to swallow his, and the champagne feeling only gets stronger. 

“Why, the fuck, did you not tell me you had a boyfriend.” 

“Well,” Kravitz stares out the window at shops and signs and trees stretching into infinity as they achieve warp speed. “I, uh, I didn’t want to jinx it.”

“I’m like your only friend! And I have been since we were stinky little teens, come on! You can’t not tell me shit, K! This is insane! I can’t believe you got engaged without even asking me about fifty ways you could fuck this up! Not even a word about the soundtrack! And in _public? I don’t even know you anymore!”_

“Did you use admonish yet?” 

“I’m going to admonish your stupid ass!” She flies over a speedbump and skids to a halt for a stop sign. Kravitz’s head hits his headrest and he swears, and she shakes her head, grumbling. 

“Fucking cheeky.”

“Sloane.”

“I honestly can’t stand you when you do shit like this. Are you having a breakdown? You could have come to me and we could have gotten massages, but no, you had to have a secret boyfriend! A fucking- cooking show guy!” 

“Hi.”

“Hello,” Sloane replies, cooly. “I’m Kravitz’s best friend.”

“You are!” Kravitz looks at Taako for help and Taako snorts and lets him handle it. Traitor. “Sloane, I-”

“And another thing! A restaurant proposal?? Have you gone insane? Did a poisonous raccoon bite you on the dick and turn you into another person completely?” 

“It-”

“I honestly can’t believe you! Were you worried I would hate him?? If you love him so fucking much, he’s got to be good, right? Better than your other boyfriends? Is this about me not liking your other boyfriends? They didn’t treat you right, not one of them, and I’m not going to apologize for being glad you’re not together anymore!”

“Sloane...Can you let me tell you the truth? Please?”

“It had damn well better be good. Fucking public proposal, Juicy Crust...”

“Taako and I-”

Kravitz’s phone vibrates and he jumps. 

“Fuck! It’s Lydia!” he hisses. 

“Tell her to take a long walk off a short pier.” 

“You know I can’t do that!” 

“Someday I’m going to.” 

“Please don’t get fucking fired on my behalf,” Kravitz moans. “I don’t know how to provide benefits if I hire you.” He accepts the call, even though he’d honestly rather crawl into the trunk and rot there. “Hi, Lydia.”

“DARLING!” He has to hold the phone a foot away from his head. He sees Taako’s ears pop up in the corner of his vision. 

“Hi.”

“That was INCREDIBLE! You’ve outdone yourself. This is absolutely perfect. Just, simply perfect. We’re going to get so much attention for this, I can barely handle it! Oh, you sweet thing, you’ve done it again!”

“Have I really?” Kravitz stares at Taako helplessly. Sloane narrows her eyes at him in the rearview mirror. Gods, damn it. “Is that...good?”

“INCREDIBLE!” Lydia repeats. “You’re trending on twitter! Your fans are frothing at the mouth! You’re already heading back up the charts! Why, I even heard them talking about you on the radio.” 

“Wow. Uh. Great?”

“And guess what else!” Edward cuts in from the background.

“Just kidding,” Lydia laughs, probably waving him away. “I simply cannot wait to tell you! You’re going to be on The Garfield and Friends Show. Tomorrow!”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Kravitz says slowly. “Garfield...the Deals Warlock? Doesn’t he run some business? You know...with...deals?”

“He used to,” Taako folds his arms. “And now he’s got an incredibly famous talk show for incredibly famous people.”

“And you’re going to be on it! Also, we need to do a photoshoot. More than one, actually, but we need to start somewhere, obviously. Those paparazzi pics are selling hot, and we need to publish something good.”

“Mhm.” Kravitz feels the panic rising again in his throat. He wants to end this call so he can open the door and roll out onto the highway.

“Bright and early tomorrow morning!” Lydia says.

“Don’t worry about looking your best, we have you covered.” Edward sneaks in once more.

“Ta ta,” Lydia finishes. The call ends with a chirp and Kravitz sighs and closes his eyes, resting his heavy head. 

Taako groans. 

“If I knew this was going to come with so many fucking early mornings, I wouldn’t have said yes.”

“You’d better be fucking kidding,” Sloane turns to glare at Taako. Kravitz waves frantically at her to put her eyes back on the road. “You can wake up early once in a while to be with Kravitz.”

“Okay, so you can stop hating me.” Taako takes off his hat and twists it in his hands, then lets it flop on his lap. “We’re not actually together.”

“...Oh.” Sloane turns back to face forward, still mulling over it. Her shoulders relax considerably. “Wait, you what??”

“It’s a Lydia plot.” Kravitz rubs his temples. They are holding Sunday service at maximum capacity. “We literally met today. Please don’t crash the car.”

“You fucking WHAT?” Sloane changes lanes and Kravitz’s eyes snap open. He holds the door handle tightly. “Why didn’t I know about this?? How long were you going to fucking let me believe-”

“You wouldn’t let me talk!”

“You could have told me when you learned about this whole stupid thing!”

“She conned me into it yesterday, I don’t know what to tell you!” 

“I cannot, I cannot fucking believe you.”

“Aren’t you glad I’m not dating a guy you don’t know?”

“Don’t you try to get out of this, mister. You are still absolutely getting chastised.”

“Aaaaaaaaaah.”

“And going on TV,” Taako adds, helpfully. 

“Aaaaaahhh???” Kravitz puts his elbows on his knees and holds his head. His stupid lapels are still rumpled. He’s going to fall apart. “I- I don’t- I don’t know if I can do this, guys, I, I just let her talk me into it, I didn’t think-”

“Don’t come looking for sympathy from me for at least twenty more minutes, asshole, you really had me going.” 

“I’m sorry! Did I say I’m sorry yet, because I’m sorry, I wish it hadn’t happened, it wasn’t my idea, I’m sorry?”

“Thank you for your apology,” Sloane says, cooly. 

Kravitz moans again. The world seems to be crashing down around his ears and he didn’t even bring a cute umbrella. How the fuck did he get himself into this? He never imagined Sloane would be upset with him in addition to all the rest. It makes absolute sense now that he’s facing the issue, but he never imagined it would be one of his many, many problems. 

Taako pats his knee. 

“It’ll be alright, my dude. I’ll be there and we’re in the same boat. Toot toot.”

“Please don’t toot in my car, Taako.” 

“I’ll toot wherever I damn please,” Taako says sweetly. Sloane almost smiles. Kravitz is still in acute distress, but that’s a bit of relief. He doesn’t know how anyone could possibly resist Taako’s charm. 

“Honestly though,” Taako continues, like Sloane never said a word. “If you don’t feel comfy-cozy talking, just let me do it. I love saying bullshit. It’s like my job.”

“I thought you were a firefighter,” Kravitz jokes weakly, and Taako humors him with a laugh. 

“Definitely as hot as one. But listen, it’s whatever. It’ll be fine. You have me, and in eighteen more minutes, you have this speed demon here.”

“It’s Sloane.”

“I definitely remember you introducing yourself as Kravitz’s Best Friend. Is that what you sign on your taxes?” 

“I don’t pay taxes,” she quips, and finally has to laugh. “Okay, maybe I’ll reset the timer. At least he doesn’t smell like Axe.”

Taakos eyes widen and he whips his head to look at Kravitz. Some of his hair brushes Kravitz, and it’s even softer than he imagined it would be. Time to start drafting an excuse to touch it. 

“You fucking dated Axe men?” 

“In my goddamn freshman year of college, yes, okay?” Kravitz’s cheeks burn. “We all have things we’d like to forget, alright?” 

“Not me,” Taako and Sloane joke at the same time, and Sloane reassesses him in the rearview mirror with calculating grey eyes. _Please, please like this one_ , Kravitz thinks, and then staunchly doesn’t think about why he thinked it. 

Because the implications there run a lot deeper than he has any clearance to shovel. 

Taako tells Sloane his address and they head in that direction. He checks twitter a few more times, humming to himself.

“Interesting.” 

“Do I wanna know?” 

“Nope. Hey, give me your phone.” The car pulls into a decent-looking apartment complex with a pool, and Taako points to the right building. Sloane slows and parks in front, and Taako doesn’t undo his seatbelt just yet. 

“If you put twitter on it, I am running away. I am running away and not looking back.” Kravitz hands it over anyway. He’s too trusting. He’s going to get himself killed one of these days. 

“Nah, dingus, I’m putting my number in.”

“Oh.” Live to die another day, he guesses. He takes the phone back after Taako’s snapped a selfie for his profile, and he looks at the tiny picture, feeling strange. He’s making a peace sign, and there’s a ring on his finger, and Kravitz put it there. He’s going to have to answer for that. And soon. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

“We’ll pick you up at whatever ass crack time Lydia wants, so fucking be ready.” 

“Wear my bunny slippers, got it.” Taako winks and clicks his tongue. Sloane rolls her eyes, but Kravitz can see her thawing out in real time. It’s kind of a relief. For. Some reason. “See you tomorrow, Krav!” 

The door slams shut and Taako limps into his apartment, wobbling on his heels. Kravitz feels bad about his ankle and hopes it’s just a temporary thing, at least until his thoughts are interrupted by a nearly volcanic, 

_“KRAV?”_


	6. Well-Deserved Noodles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stress, bonding, and more stress!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the blood sacrifices. My power grows by the day. Please continue to comment your emotional tribute to whatever the fuck this is. I love you!

It’s a weird night for Taako. He can’t keep himself off social media, and he ends up making dinner late and staying up much later circulating between the same three apps and f’oogling his name. It’s at least a much better version than the last time he ended up doing this, but it still feels weird to be back in the cycle. 

It feels...a lot. He doesn’t know how he feels. Crack that egg open. It is full of party snakes. They are everywhere. Why are they so gooey. He’s excited, for sure, happy to clear his name and draw some positive attention to his rotting brand, but meeting Kravitz went so different than he expected it to. He was simply so...mortal. Alive. Vulnerable. Nervous. 

Sweet. And funny, and kind, and… and real. Taako doesn’t know how to consolidate this guy who panicked in an alleyway and asked him about beef with the absolute angel he’s seen in concert four times. 

But he wakes up thinking about his gentle face and that helpless smile on it. And for him, Taako gets out of bed at ass-o-clock despite having gone to bed at mumble AM the night before. 

He’s not going to be nice about it, though. 

Sloane pulls up while he’s got a hair tie in his teeth and he’s busy trying to wrangle his uncombed mane, and Kravitz waves awkwardly from the back seat. They were told there would be clothes for them at the photo shoot, but seeing Kravitz in a plain black turtleneck and nice jeans is a tasty surprise, even after his hashtag normal guy outfit yesterday morning. Taako wants to make him stand up and turn around, but there’ll be time for that later, surely. They have a month together. Taako will get his designated ass appreciation time. 

He opens the door and slides in, bumping knees semi-on-purpose with Kravitz. Nods at Sloane. Sloane has gotten over yesterday and nods back. It’s a very rewarding interaction. Ten out of ten stars. God damn, he is so fucking tired. Are dark circles chic right now? His are designer. Their price tags are hideous. 

“Here,” Kravitz says, and hands Taako a tall iced coffee. Taako looks at the coffee. He looks at the Kravitz. He is so fucking tired he hears the dial-up modem noise before he can process this. 

“For me?” he asks, definitely not feeling teary eyed, which, if he was, would be entirely because of how tired he is and how much he loves coffee and no other reason whatsoever. 

“For you.” Kravitz smiles. “It’s as close as I could remember to the one you had yesterday. I don’t think I could replicate the number of the barista that served you, but I hope the one I got is satisfactory.” He looks so nervous, like he might have fucked up somehow by giving Taako this fucking _gift_ , and Taako’s chest feels weirdly tight about it all. He gets gifts all the time. Fuck off. 

“I’ll accept it,” he says loftily, and he takes a long sip. It’s fucking perfect. Taako is going to marry this boy. 

For...business. 

“Thank the gods.” Kravitz’s hands are wrapped around what smells like an herbal tea, which Taako wouldn’t mind waking up to every morning, but god _damn_ , can he be terminally gay _after_ he’s woken up, please? “I was worried you’d think I was a creep for remembering? And now I’m worried you’re thinking I’m a creep because I’ve put the thought in your head. Please surgically remove it at once.” 

“No.” Taako slurps his coffee as loudly as he can. “Never. I’m keeping you, I’ve decided, and no returns.”

“No!”

“You’re doomed,” Taako says solemnly. “I will remember this gesture until you die.”

“Nooooooo.” Kravitz slumps against the window, as if dying in a teenage Romeo and Juliet. Taako laughs quietly. Fondly. Too fondly. 

Uh oh. 

The photoshoot is a whirlwind. They put Kravitz in a series of incredibly handsome, incredibly boring suits and almost try the same shit with Taako, who allows it once and then dives headfirst into their fashion storage the second he realizes what they’re trying to pull. He even coaxes Kravitz into some more complex textures and colors, and fuck, does he have to save that particular mental image for later. Not that it isn’t being documented, but… _woof_. The man sure can be alive in a visible spectrum. Bless him. 

They have them pose in every conceivable way, from looking longingly across the way (and fuck, how is Kravitz such a good actor? Every time he does that it makes Taako’s insides feel funny) to kisses on the cheek and on one knee again, and every time Taako thinks that weird feeling can’t get stronger and he’s proven wrong, wrong, wrong. There’s a very, very big problem coming to light here. Taako...well. Taako kind of, maybe, sort of likes his fiance a little bit. 

It’s different than just being a fan. It’s fine to say shit like you’d marry the guy when you like his music, like his style, like his sexy handsome face and the way his clever hands take those guitar strings apart. But every longing flash of those eyes Taako gets blasted with, the stronger the feeling gets, and the harder it is to ignore. _Fuck you,_ he tells himself. _I’ve known him for a day._

But time matters not in ways of the heart. He’s pretty sure he heard that in a pizza bagel commercial once. 

Kravitz is just acting. He probably doesn’t even like Taako, he’s just too fucking polite and anxious to say anything. There’s no way, no way at all that he’s grasping his hands or putting an arm around his waist for anything but the camera. 

But Taako is very good at wishful thinking. That’s what his degree was in. And his dumb stupid brain and his dumb stupid heart long hard for those aching looks and tender touches to be real, for it all to be real. How wonderful would it be to actually be cared for, to actually be held in delicate, loving hands, and treasured like he deserves? Does he even deserve that? Signs point to upgrade your app for only $4.99 a month for the first three months. 

They’re just getting reset after another outfit swap, Kravitz finally in something less restrictive and more… fun, Taako in the boldest thing they’d let him wear on camera, and they get the direction to look in each other’s eyes and smile. That’s easy enough. Taako’s just got to look him in the eyes, those soft, deep, brown eyes with their shimmering flecks of gold. He’s getting good at reading them. He’s a good read anyway, after years and years of having to be on his toes. He’d thought Kravitz would have been a challenge, and maybe he is to other people that don’t get his brand, but to Taako, he may not be an open book yet, but his covers sure show a lot of tasty content. 

Kravitz is anxious. It almost seems to be his base level experience, just something he lives with every time he’s being perceived, and he’s about at the end of his rope with this particular trial. But he’s also kind of enjoying it, enjoying being with Taako and dressing up and being silly. Taako’s a liar if he doesn’t admit he feels pretty good about that. Well, he’s a liar anyway. But that would be pants on fire territory, and he couldn’t possibly risk that in these gold leggings with the beaded fringe. They’re probably incredibly flammable. 

Anyway, they’re looking each other in the eyes, and they’re looking each other in the eyes, and even as it would be getting awkward, Taako keeps sinking into them like a hot tub at the end of a long day. He could buy real estate there. Kravitz smiles helplessly at him and Taako can’t help but smile back, and they’re holding each other’s hands and ignoring the flashes going off all around them and the world narrows down to just this moment and Taako feels like he’s experiencing the best heartburn he’s ever had. 

Fuck, Kravitz is a good actor. He’s so fucking beautiful. At least Taako gets to hold him in these moments and imagine a world where they could actually be in love, and imagine lingering in that sweet feeling and being allowed to stay there and not briskly shaken to pieces by reality, or photographers going, 

“Gentlemen, we’re finished, you can go change. The shoot is over. We’ve got what we need. Taako. Kravitz. It’s, hello? It’s time to clean things up, you can stop now?”

“Right!” Taako says, shaking himself and feeling like he’s taken a cold, cold gatorade shower after playing a very long, very dangerous game. “Right, of course.” 

“Oh!” Kravitz says, blinking like he’s coming out of a trance. “We, oh, okay, thank- thank you?” 

“They really are in love,” one of the crew mutters, just in earshot, and another nods in agreement. 

“Head over heels. Good thing that’s all they have to think about. If I were that in love, I’d forget what my feet were for.”

Well...they’re convincing! That’s acting, baby! 

Ha ha. Ha. 

Fuck.  
They get changed and find each other again, waiting in the swanky lobby for Sloane to pull up. Taako feels itchy, and it probably wasn’t the flammable pants. He wants to reach over and take Kravitz’s hand, but they aren’t being watched anymore, and that would be insane. It’s fake. He has to remember that it’s fake. Even though he keeps blushing and thinking about the way Kravitz kissed his cheek or looked deep in his eyes. He’s going to perish. He is simply just going to expire. 

“That was weird,” Kravitz says, breaking the silence with a sledgehammer. “I haven’t done a photoshoot in a while.” 

“Yeah?” Taako’s as noncommittal as he can manage. _What, so holding me and touching me and pretending you’re yearning for me was weird?_ But he shouldn’t be nasty. It was weird. It’s a weird thing to do with a stranger. Especially a famous stranger you adore. 

“Mhm. I haven’t...done a lot in a while. I wrapped up my tour a few months ago and did a few small interviews after that, and I’ve been as dark as they’d let me be since then. I’m not really a, uh, public figure, you know?”

“I’ve heard you like your privacy.” Taako smiles at him. 

“Who told you that?” Kravitz asks urgently. And then he laughs at his own joke. “Yeah, uh, it...it just gets to me, you know? I mean, I’m just a guy who’s kind of good at the guitar.”

“Don’t you sing, too? I think I heard one of your songs on the radio.” 

“Oh, yeah, well.” Kravitz rubs his neck and glances away shyly. “I do, I do also sing.”

“Maybe you should sing for me.” Taako upgrades his smile to a dangerous grin. 

“Oh, you- you probably don’t want that.” He laughs awkwardly. “You don’t even know if you like my type of music.”

“So you don’t know I don’t love it. Maybe I’ll fall for you right then and there.”

“Maybe,” Kravitz says, like the word is full of bees. 

“Guess it’s just a risk you’ll have to take.”

“I… I guess. It’s been a while since I played.” 

“You don’t have to have a whole concert for me, Krav.” Taako pats his knee. “You can just, jam, or whatever. Just have fun with it. It sounds like you haven’t really been getting to the fun side with all of the challenges of being famous for that cool thing you’re good at.” 

“Yeah,” Kravitz says, Taako’s words slowly dawning on him. “Yeah, you’re right. Shit, when’s the last time I played just for fun?” 

“December 1874.”

“You’re not far off! Wait, fuck, you’ve discovered my vampire secret. Now I have to kill you.”

“Can you turn me instead? I’d fucking rock vampirism. ...Man, you’re pretty busy, being a werewolf and a vampire and a famous musician. What’s next, modern art and duck husbandry?”

“I think I’ve got enough husbandry on my plate with you, Taako, but uh, I’ll keep it in mind.” Kravitz smiles, so much more relaxed than he was on the set. That makes Taako feel pretty good. He’s got an effect on him. He’ll never escape now. 

Sloane pulls up and they head out and hop in. Kravitz lays his head back and closes his eyes. 

“That bad, huh?” she says. 

“No, it was fine, I’m just tired.”

“You and me both, babe.” Taako groans. “I’d pay anything to lay on the floor and eat a whole mess of dumplings right now.” 

“Well,” Kravitz starts, and then stops. 

“Well what, Krav?”

“Well.” He opens one eye, and looks at Taako, processing something. Taako watches him, excited. “I have a floor.”

“Fuck yeah, dumpling party! You in, Minnie Driver?” 

“Nah,” Sloane says. “I gotta get groceries and do some other errands. But I’m on call if you need to go somewhere before your talk show appointment. You’re supposed to be there an hour before cameras roll.”

“Please stop reminding me.” Kravitz sinks down in his seat, squeezing both eyes shut. “I’m hoping it’ll go away if I pretend it won’t happen.” 

“Super definitely how it works.” Taako laughs, but not cruelly. “It’ll be alright. And it’s not like we’re the whole show. There have got to be other famous buffoons doing ridiculous stuff.”

“We can only hope.”

Sloane takes them to Kravitz’s place, which is...a very, very normal looking apartment complex. Taako knew he wasn’t exactly in love with his money, but he kind of figured the guy would have at least moved to a nice house. 

“Your mansion getting built?” he teases, looking around as they head up the stairs. The guy didn’t even push for a ground floor so groceries would be easier. Maybe he likes the cardio? Taako’s seen his net worth, it’s insane. 

“Ah, you know...” Kravitz unlocks the door and lets him in. It’s warm in there, that strikes him first, warm for spring. It’s also cluttered, but generally clean, like Kravitz spends most of his time here and likes to collect shiny little things that make him happy. There are posters on all of the walls of various bands from all sorts of genres, and his couch is covered in pillows and blankets. Cozy. Kravitz locks the door behind them and slips his shoes off, and Taako follows suit, taking in the very normal carpet and the very normal furniture and the very normal atmosphere. There’s not a single weird-rich-person thing, and even the sound system seems like a Best Buy special and not a four- or five-figure toy. Huh. 

Interesting.

He really is a normal boy trapped in a rich person’s career. 

“I just don’t really want to move, and I mean, I feel like I’ve got most of my needs covered, you know? I mean, you live in an apartment, so.”

“Yeaahh,” Taako says, drawing it out. “An apartment with a state of the art kitchen and a Phandalin-King sized bed. And, you know, decent fucking security? Do you even- Is there- Don’t freak out about this, but like, have you ever had an issue with fans finding out where you live?” 

“Is...Is that a thing that happens?”

“Uh, yeah?” Taako swallows some bad memories and focuses on Kravitz. “Maybe you should at least get a fancy home security system, my man, oh my god. What if the paps follow you home?”

“I have a PO box.” Kravitz frowns, slowly turning over Taako’s concerns in his head. 

“Dog, you live here. Aren’t you a little concerned that even like- our dumpling guy is going to open the door and be like, HOLY FUCK IT’S KRAVITZ EVEBODY COME SEE?”

“I get no contact delivery, it’s fine.” Kravitz waves him off. Well. Taako doesn’t need to push it right now, doesn’t need to give the man an anxiety attack while they’re waiting for another one to happen. But he looks around and he feels weirdly protective. It’s not that he thinks Kravitz should be bedding down like a hamster in a pile of hundred dolla bills, but he should at least have some decent security and, well, comfort. Peace of mind? Maybe he could bring it up to Lydia? 

Why is he so bothered by this?

He just...doesn’t want paparazzi to come after him while he’s here, that’s, that’s gotta be it. Definitely a selfish impulse and nothing more. 

“You want me to order?” There. Change the subject. It’s fine. Everything is fine. Taako walks over to Kravitz’s couch in his sockity feet and flops on it. Comfy. 

“If you don’t mind. And I trust your judgement, you just order a bunch of things and we can share.”

“You got it, boss.” Taako pulls out his phone while Kravitz pretends he isn’t sneaky tidying whatever messes he’d forgotten about this morning before he had any concept of inviting Taako over, and Taako kicks his feet lazily off the arm of the couch, selecting anything that catches his fancy. What’s the point of being rich if you can’t buy fifty bucks of noodles?

There’s only one other chair, and when Kravitz seems to have deleted the offending signs of his mortal inhabitance of the place, he takes a seat and just sort of watches Taako. 

Weird, lovely man. Taako can’t believe he’s going to keep him. 

“Do you like to cook for yourself, Taako?”

“While we’re recording? Absolutely no way, those days are hideously long, and I basically go home and go to bed. But like, regular normal times, fuck yeah, cooking is the best. Making something from nothing? That’s my jam.” 

“I wish I could cook, but I just...never learned how. My mom’s as inept in the kitchen as I am. I ate a lot of spaghetti-o’s as a kid, you know?”

Taako audibly gags. 

“Yeah...” Kravitz laughs. “In retrospect, yikes, but like, as a kid I thought I was being spoiled. My mom’s wife is more of a cook, but they got married when I was in college, so I kind of missed out on that, except for, you know, holidays and things like that.” 

“My Auntie taught me to cook.” Taako nods gently. “She was incredible. Absolute terror of a woman, and she wrangled me and Lup, my, uh, my twin sister, like a champ.”

“I didn’t know you were a twin!”

“My dude, what do you know about me?” Taako laughs and props his head up to stare at Kravitz, all twisted up on his couch. 

“I know you’re a chef,” Kravitz defends himself. “I know you have a popular show. I know you like attention and your sense of style is bangin’ and I know you’re kind and brave and strong.” 

“Ha, you dork,” Taako says, swallowing his whole entire heart and shoving it back in the dark little box where it belongs. “Okay, fine, I’ll tell you more about me. But only if you return the favor, alrighty?”

“Alrighty.” Kravitz smiles. 

By the time their food arrives, Taako knows that Kravitz is an only lonely child, and that he was in marching band in high school (with Sloane, which is absolutely delightful), and that he’s played guitar since he was seven. Taako is a bit more elusive with his info, but he figures he owes Kraviz something, plus they decide they ought to seem like they’re experts on each other when they go on the damn talk show, so, he reveals more about Lup, and being a twin, and how maybe his childhood wasn’t you know, ideal, and how he got his lucky break and moved to Neverwinter to shoot his shot, and how his show really got off the ground. 

After they eat their weight in delicious, well-deserved carbs, they lay on the floor and stare at his dusty ceiling fan and go even deeper. Damn him, Kravitz is so fucking easy to talk to, and his voice is like a warm embrace, and time passes so easily that Taako has to force himself to get up and put the leftovers away when he’d rather eat glass and nails than walk away from this conversation for three minutes, tops. They weave from important to inane and back again so easily, and it’s easily one of the better conversations Taako has done in ages. He’s got friends, but they’re not talking friends, not really, and it shakes him, just how much he missed this kind of thing.

Feels almost like a sleepover.

“I miss her a lot,” he says, surprised it’s even coming out of his mouth. “Even though I’m the one that moved away first. She’s getting her PHD in Rockport and I haven’t seen her in person in a long time, and it’s- it’s weird, you know? I mean you don’t know,”

“I really don’t know,” Kravitz admits. “I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have a sibling, let alone one as close as a twin. That would really be something special, I think.”

“It’s somethin’, alright.” Taako closes his eyes. Kravitz says the thing Taako’s been dreading. 

“Are you going to tell her?”

“I should, shouldn’t I?” It’s not an answer. It wasn’t supposed to be. Taako’s feelings about Lup and being away from her are complicated and weird and make his stomach hurt more than being absolutely full of noodles, and it’s hard to think about how he’d even broach the deadly conversation. “She’ll be even madder than Sloane was.”

“Uh oh.”

“So I’m, you know, not really looking forward to it. Maybe I can just send her an invitation to our wedding and let her figure it out.” 

“Fuck, we’re going to get married.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a long pause. 

“You gonna tell your moms, Krav?” 

“Fuck.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“They deserve to know, right? Like they deserve to know the truth? But the idea of admitting it just gives me hives. I still can’t believe we’re doing this insane thing.”

“Yeah.” Taako feels strange. What that means, he couldn’t explain, but he feels weird about talking about it like this. Even though it _is_ insane and weird and a lot, and a lot of work, and absolutely fake, it still feels like the best thing that’s happened to him in months. He doesn’t want it talked about it like it’s a mistake. 

He doesn’t want to think about whether it is. 

The time comes around before they know it, and it strikes Taako in a funny way just how long they’ve been vibing and talking. It was...nice. It was really nice. Even if they can’t be real life lovers, maybe they can be friends?

Hopefully Kravitz wasn’t faking that, too. It’s hard to know where the line is. 

Sloane takes them to a subtle studio. Taako holds his hand and watches him get sweatier and sweatier. His own leg bounces up and down fast enough they could capture his energy and use it to replace the gas tank, and Sloane politely doesn't rag on either of them. 

"It's gonna be fine. It'll be fine! Garfield is known for, you know, sort of aggressive interviews, but what, what can he even bug us about? We're just engaged." He knows he's chattering to fill Kravitz’s unending ocean of silence, but it’s keeping him afloat. He has a sneaking suspicion Kravitz appreciates it anyway.

"It'll be fine," Sloane echoes. 

"It'll be fine," Kravitz whispers, like a prayer. 

They get intercepted by a smiling woman in a glittering dress and marched through dim hallway after dim hallway, plastered with memorabilia in locked frames and cases, many of them signed and some of them radiating strange magic. There are several different frames that seem to contain actual hair. Taako squeezes Kravitz’s hand and stares straight ahead. 

Weird collector. That’s all. Just a weird collector. They get talked at by a producer, briefly, about what’s going to happen and what they can and cannot do, and they’re both handed pamphlets for Garfield’s line of all-encompassing lifestyle products. Taako pretends to put his in his pocket and not notice when it accidentally falls out. Kravitz is vibrating through seven alternate realities at this point and is very quiet. Taako doesn’t really blame him, honestly. The smiling dress woman comes and picks them up again and is joined by a man in an ugly suit. And then they take Kravitz and Taako in separate directions. 

“Hold on-” Taako says. “Can’t we-”

“Oh, I know you’re deeply in love, but you’ll be reunited soon. Don’t worry.” 

Kravitz gives him a pained look and then smiles politely at the ugly suit man, and they disappear, and the dress woman spirits him off in another direction, where he’s given more expectations-

“Be loose! Talk about whatever you like, but remember to keep it PG 13! Work with Garfield, and let him steer the conversation~!” 

And Taako is given a fancy outfit--a fitted, sparkling paisley purple suit with puffy sleeves he’s had his eye on since it walked down the runway, plus golden wedge heels and fancy dangling earrings he’s definitely going to “forget” to take off. 

“Holy fuck,” he says. “This is perfect.”

“We know,” the woman says, still smiling. 

She gives him a chance to get dressed, and Taako spends a hot minute admiring himself in the mirror before he worries about Kravitz again. He hopes he’s not panicking. He hopes he’ll be okay. 

Because he’s nice. And not for any other reason. 

Taako’s pulled to hair and makeup where they spend a long time doing weird shit to his hair to tame it a bit, and, because he’s an asshole, he doesn’t offer to just braid it in his signature style and be done. They do end up braiding it on top and leaving it free in the back, which actually looks sort of killer, and they’re starting in on his makeup when Kravitz appears. Taako sees him in the mirror and feels his whole body freeze.

Kravitz is in a suit that subtly matches Taako’s, but much darker, echoing the pattern in shiny embossed swirls. It suits him and matches Taako without going overboard. It’s also perfectly cut, and it shows off his body in all the right ways. Taako feels his face go hot just looking at him. It’s just another suit. He wears suits all the time! It’s not a whole thing! But it feels like one. And him matching Taako? That feels like something, too. 

“Do you think I should wear the cape?” he asks Taako. Taako spins around in his makeup chair so fast he actually misses Kravitz and has to complete another circle. Hachi machi. 

“Do I fucking- Of COURSE I do, Krav, obviously! Fuck, you’d be so sexy in a cape-” haha, it’s left his mouth now, but at least Kravitz is going to think he’s performing for the hair and makeup people! “Put it on right now! Shit! Why didn’t I get a fucking cape!”

“If you insist,” Kravitz says with a smile, and he sweeps it on. And Taako’s assessment was right. He looks absolutely fantastic in it. A bit Phantom of the Opera, but in the best way, and Taako vibrates with glee and a bit of jealousy. And also a lot, a lot, a lot of attraction. He’s hot, okay? He’s a spicy hot man. Absolute ghost pepper of a dude. 

“Gods above and below,” Taako hums, eyes scanning him up and down over and over again. Kravitz laughs and Taako grins, glad he’s not, you know, actively puking. He sits down in the chair next to Taako and they both get their hair and makeup finished. The makeup artists both put setting spells on their faces, and Taako’s lets him add to the magic to make himself glitter. Taako looks slammin, but Kravitz? Kravitz looks _ethereal_. Call him a zombie, cause he wants to smooch those brains out somethin’ fierce, and it’s making him absolutely mindless. “We are one hundred percent bringing capes back, babe.”

His heart is fine. His heart is fine and doing normal things, and everybody can shut the fuck up about it. 

They get a signal from one of the staffers and get pushed along to the next area, where they can hear all the commotion on stage and watch on a little monitor while someone gets them mic’d up. It brings Taako back to being a bratty kid and doing plays, peeking out of the curtains, looking for someone to wave to. That would probably get him drawn and quartered here, which makes it even more tempting. They’re told that the mics won’t be live until they get on stage, which is a relief, but it’s still sort of strange. Taako plays with his and gets snapped at to leave it alone.

The staffer that brought them walks away, muttering into their walkie talkie, giving them a moment of peace. The one watching the monitor is in earshot, so they huddle together and whisper, probably looking incredibly romantic. Taako slips an arm around Krav’s shoulders to help the ruse. 

“Ready?” 

“Nope,” Kravitz says, texting someone. Almost certainly Sloane. Well, if he thinks he’s going to get out of here before they’re put through the wringer, he’s sorely mistaken. 

“Cool!” 

Kravitz looks positively nauseous, and Taako’s bouncing on his toes, which is probably not ideal in these shoes, but he can’t seem to stop. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” he reminds Kravitz, because he needs to hear it. “You’re gonna be okay.” 

Kravitz opens his mouth, but the band starts playing, and it is absolutely, one hundred percent a cover of one of Kravitz’s most famous songs. Kravitz frowns deeply. 

“This is terrible. This is absolutely terrible. What. The fuck. Is going on. _What_ are they doing to my song?”

Taako chews his lip, trying to hide his smile. The setting spell on his lipstick strains, but protects his Look.

“It’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad? Not that baaaaaaad? They’ve changed it! The rhythm is off. This- this is the worst cover I’ve ever heard. I’m going to go talk to them.”

“Krav, you can’t!” 

“They have to know they’re doing a sin crime, Taako! They have to correct this error before it sends them straight to double hell!” 

Taako covers a snicker, but it falls out between his fingers. The staffer eyes them and Taako gives them a thumbs up, struggling not to burst his internal organs with bottled laughter and appreciation for Kravitz. 

“Listen, listen, just, just tolerate it for now and do something about it later, okay?”

“But this is going to play on air! I can’t have it! They’re butchering my song and they’re not even doing a good job of that! This isn’t sushi! This is a serial killing!” 

Which it is, because they transition into another of his songs. One of Taako’s favorites. Kravitz groans. 

“It’s okay. You’re a good musical artist and people know that.”

“You don’t know that! You’ve heard like two of my songs! I can’t let this be your first exposure! I- Listen, I’m going to play for you when this is over, and it’s going to be _right_. None of those fucking triplets and sick vibratos. Actually. I’m going to go strangle that person playing the trumpet. I’ll be right back.” He turns on his heel and heads directly for the band. Taako grabs him by the cape and laughs, higher and weirder than he can control. It’s embarrassing, but he can’t focus on that. He also can’t focus on planting a wet one right on Kravitz’s sweet lips, but that’s show business. 

“You’re really going to play for me?” comes out of his mouth instead of _stop, don’t be stupid!_

Kravitz does stop, though, and he turns to Taako, looking sheepish. “I mean, yeah. You asked me to earlier, and- and you deserve to hear it done right. I mean...if you want to hear me play? Obviously you don’t have to-”

Taako wants to kiss him so fucking bad. Instead, he shoves his heart back down his throat. 

“Neat!” 

Kravitz doesn’t have more than a few seconds to wonder if he’s crazy before they get the signal that it’s time. They both take a deep breath and Taako lets of his cape and squeezes his hand tightly instead. 

“We got this,” he whispers.

“I hope so.”

“No, no, say we got this.”

“We...got this?”

“That’ll have to do!”

And they’re whisked into the blinding lights of the Garfield and Friends Show. For better, or worse.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if you enjoyed this and you're excited for more--favorite bits, feelings, anticipation, nonsensical keysmashing, whatever floats your boat. i eat them for power and crave that good good buzz.
> 
> find me on tumblr @ceilinfan5 or just writing @fan5fics! on twitter i am @ceilingfan_5! see you there!


End file.
